1. Remember that you are the boss. You do not have to give reasons, or take your children's opinions into account in making decisions.

2. Children are used to ignoring adult conversation. Thus, if you want to tell a child something, say his name first, and start the conversation slowly. Do not blame him for ignoring you unless you are sure that he knew what you said.

3. If a child misbehaves, the inconvenience it causes you is unimportant. Do not tell the child, "Look at all the trouble you cause me!" That correctly sends the messages that you just use your authority for your own pleasure and convenience, and that it is ok if the child misbehaves and causes people trouble so long as the victims are powerless. Rather, tell the child, "Look at the bad thing you did! "

4. Think before you give children choices. First: are you willing to accept their choices? ("What do you want to eat for supper? ---Ice cream!") Second: are you willing to wait while they make up their minds? Third: when they suggest alternatives you haven't given them, are you willing to limit the choices to what you originally said? ("Do you want ham or beef? I want ice cream.")

5. But do give the children choices sometimes, when it makes them happy and teaches them how to decide, and when the choices do not matter. ("Do you want to go to the store first, or the bank?")

6. Don't be ashamed to make life easier for yourself. It's ok to schedule naptime at 2 p.m. each day, rather than carefully gauging whether and when the children get tired. It's ok to have the kids watch a video sometimes instead of playing games with them.

7. Forestall situations that will cause dissension and squabbling. Give children food and sleep in time. Establish routines, such as having the same food for breakfast each day. If you give one child some food and not another, explain your reasons as you are doing it, unless you think they won't notice the disparity.

8. Explain to children what you are doing before and while you are doing it. ("Now I'm going to change your diaper.... First, I'll take off your clothes... Then, I'll undo the diaper...") ("Tonight Mama and Daddy are going to a movie. Miss Hogan the babysitter will come, and she'll put you to bed. Then we'll see you again in the morning.")

9. Be prepared to repeat instructions. Children just don't remember well, even with the best will in the world, and they get distracted in the course of performance. ("Go up to your bedroom now....No, don't play with the truck in the hallway, it's time for you to go up your bedroom...")

10. Come down very hard on deliberate disobedience, even at a very young age. Once you are sure the disobedience is deliberate, grab the child's head so he is looking into your eyes, and chastise him. Spank if necessary. Give warnings before big punishments such as spanking, to be sure that the child knows he is being disobedient. ("If you don't start putting on your pajamas by the time I count to five, I'm going to spank you.")

11. Don't ignore a child when he speaks to you. He deserves an answer, just as you do, even if it is just, "I'm too busy to talk about that now." Otherwise, the child will get the idea that it's ok to ignore your questions too.

12. Insist on "Please" and "Thank you", even though this will take hundreds of reminders. "Please", in particular, provides many occasions for teaching, because children ask for so many things and the sanction for not saying please is simply to not do what they want.

13. Tell squabbling children who come complaining to you that they should first explain their grievances to each other and only then come to a parent. Remind them that if they wanted something from another child, they should have asked nicely and said "Please", and suggest that as a first step. If the other child grabbed something, the victimized child should first tell the grabber that grabbing is bad and ask for the item back.

14. An important and relatively easy duty of the parents is to pick good amusements for the children. Toys, TV, books, and videos can either worsen or improve a child, and the parents should pick them carefully. Don't hesitate to throw out items that are not edifying. That includes items that are not bad, just neutral, since the child would play with them instead of with something that improves his mind. Be very careful of access to random TV programs, or even random episodes. The TV show Barney may not be corrupting, but is it as good for the children as watching Veggie Tales or The Magic Flute? And remember that there are people out there making TV shows who have a positive yearning to corrupt your child; we should be as careful about watching TV at random as about hiring a random person off the street to be a babysitter. Maybe more--- the random person is unlikely to be ideologically motivated.

To return to Eric Rasmusen's weblog, click http://php.indiana.edu/~erasmuse/w/0.rasmusen.htm.